Chapter I

Chapter I

The Beginning

I used to think it was so difficult to walk with Jesus. I was so torn, so broken, and so confused. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go, and I felt like I had no one to help me understand Jesus…I felt like I was a failure, LITERALLY. I felt like I couldn’t comprehend anything that was in the Bible, I felt like I wasn’t as good as the next Christian because I didn’t know the books, I didn’t know the stories, I didn’t understand the references, but I still prayed. I didn’t realize until recently that I’d been walking with Jesus the whole time. Even though I couldn’t quote the Bible or tell a story that was in the Bible, my heart was with God. I was His daughter, I prayed over people, I sat for hours on end in the DARK and just talked to this ‘unknown’ individual who never failed to make me feel loved. You’re probably reading this with the most confused look on your face, so let’s take a few steps back to better understand why I didn’t know who I was talking to… I grew up in a semi-Buddhist household, I say semi because we went to those special events and prayed, but I never truly felt at home…now no disrespect to my family or Buddhists, but I just knew Buddhism was for me; I struggled so much with religious identity because what was I supposed to tell my mom? Did she think I was going absolutely insane? How would I help her understand Christ when I could barley figure out who I was or what I was? Was I really talking to God? Was I going crazy? What was wrong with me? These were all questions I asked myself everyday for most of my life. I felt this emptiness inside because I couldn’t figure out who this hidden figure was, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t give up, and why I felt like I could conquer anything and everything. It wasn’t until the sixth grade when I met my mentors, Miss Osborne and Coach Brandon that I finally started to understand that I was the daughter of God and what I was feeling wasn’t crazy, what I was feeling, was the power of Jesus. Around the same time I figured out that God was with me this whole time, I was walking into a storm, so Him showing me who He was and who was keeping me afloat all these years was in preparation for the storm I was walking into. Matthew 8:23-27 talks about Jesus calming the storm with experienced fishermen on board, and how He asked them, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” and again in Mark 4:35-41, He asked “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” This right here shows you that no matter how ‘prepared’ you think you are, if you have no faith, you have nothing. It’s human nature to freak out, but as long as you have faith and trust in Him, Jesus will calm any and every storm that comes your way.

KCHSIGN
Walking in Faith — The Truth about Feeling Lost

Walking in Faith — The Truth about Feeling Lost

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